his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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