I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
