i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
