Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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