Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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