Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
