apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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