I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
