forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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