You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.