I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
