best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever