You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
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We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
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What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.