I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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