I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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