you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
