Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ladies don't puke and tell
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
