I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
