i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
