you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I think I just sharted jello shots
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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