I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
