I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
