I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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