Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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