He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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