Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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