how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
