dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think my moral compass just broke
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
