Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
