So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
