I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
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He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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