And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
