I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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