i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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