she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
