I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
