I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you had me at cake vodka
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
