the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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