Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I need to stop coming to work sober
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
