I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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