tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
