i think my mom watched the whole time
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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