Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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