My liver just broke up with me...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
