idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
