Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She bit a glass in half.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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