so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
