we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
