but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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