My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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