After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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