DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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