just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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