You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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