remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
