69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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