i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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