I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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