If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
