i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
