Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
