at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
