Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize