you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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