Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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