my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
