She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
