I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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