We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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