SEEEEXXX PLEASE
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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