I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
